Check your bitterness at the door.

This is something I have to continually remind myself. Sometimes, I have an overly bitter heart. I’m sure it could be worse though, and the fact that I know I am bitter, is probably a good thing. I have been married for 5 years. My husband and I have been together for 8. I’ve always been a hard worker. I have always just wanted to work, since I took my first job at the ripe age of 16, I have always taken on extra work for the simple fact that I enjoyed it. Since I have “grown up”, and now I have to work, I don’t enjoy it as much. Who does?? I enjoy the independence and the paycheck, of course, but I find myself extremely bitter about other people my age not having to work. I know, I shouldn’t worry about them, but it’s just frustrating. Another thing I am fiercely bitter about is fertility/infertility. My husband and I have been actively trying to have a baby for about 4 years now. I can’t say I get overly excited to hear about that girl from school having her third child. Or the one complaining about how much she hates being pregnant. The ones who are tired of their kids or the ones who dump them with the grandparents because they’re not done sowing their wild oats. Do they know how lucky they are!? However I am continually brought back to realty when I look around and realize that I, too, am lucky. I have a husband who is there for his child. I have a step-son who loves me nearly as much as his own mother as I’ve been here just as long. I have a job and a paycheck and affordable insurance. I have a nice car, and a sturdy home. I have food on my table and in the fridge. So I don’t get to be a “stay at home mom”, I wouldn’t like that anyways. So I don’t have my own child yet. One day, I will. One day, perhaps, I’ll be working my dream job. I know I will have my share of bad days there, too, but I will check my bitterness at the door and remind myself always that I am blessed and things could definitely be worse.

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