Today is day four of my “mini vacation”. I didn’t go anywhere. I just took a few days off to relax a bit. You see I’ve been troubled recently with the nagging feeling of “burnout” I’m burnt out on everything. I don’t want to get up in the morning and go to work and chase the hamster wheel around and around. I don’t want to cook or clean or anything. I do want to write. But where do I start?? I’ve had this dream since I was a little girl to write books, but every time I try to start, I quit again. I don’t like the words I’m putting down. I don’t know how to put my thoughts into action. It’s so completely discouraging. So here I am, feeling sorry for myself and stuff. Surfing the internet, getting mad at facebook posts from family and friends and wondering, “just what am I doing with my life??” This isn’t the first time I’ve doubted myself and I know it won’t be the last. We live in a world of continual questions. Continual doubts. Does anyone wake up every morning feeling completely fulfilled and ready to tackle the world? Sure. I would venture to guess there are people who do, but not without working diligently to get there. So I’m going to keep reading, keep writing, and just keep working and maybe someday I will get where I want to be and I will feel peace getting up every morning to do what I love. Whether it be at my current day job or my dream job.
Nothing like a birthday to kick you in your pants and get you motivated, right?? It was couple years ago on my 24th birthday when I was feeling so down and like I really needed to get moving and get moving, I did. I talked about my lists and goals in my previous post, so no need to reiterate. What I’m getting at is that my birthday was yesterday and once again I wasn’t where I wanted to be. Now, I’m pretty realistic and I realize that it’s probably a good thing to always want more. To want to be a better version of yourself and to continually work toward something better. However, I really just want to be comfortable with me. I want to be happy with where I am while still striving for excellence and as of today? I’m not there. So I’m getting off my butt, I’m shaking it, eating better, and doing the things that make me happy. I’m writing more, listening more, talking less. Of course, it’s only been a day, but these are the things I am focusing on. I looked back at my list of 30 things to do before I turn 30 today that I mentioned last week, I wanted to tweak a few things but there were some that I accomplished over the last year so that makes me feel good, like I’m somewhat on track. Maybe someday I’ll remember to share it. 🙂 What are some things to look forward to in the upper twenties?? I think it’s going to be an interesting adventure.
So this morning as I was getting ready for my day, I got to thinking about things that people do that annoy me. (My husband left the light on in the garage and I was irritated at him.) This got me to thinking about things that I do, that I get mad at other people for. (What? Not me!)
I often stand in front of the refrigerator with the door open and stare. “HURRY UP! You’re wasting electricity!” Or I will open the fridge to get some ingredients out and leave it open while still getting more stuff out, or even until I’m done with said ingredients and ready to put them away. Now, if anyone else comes to my house and does this, or does this in front of me somewhere else, I’m immediately annoyed. (Don’t they know they’re letting the cold air out? Wasting electricity? You can open it back up if you want something else!) But alas I am very guilty of this very annoying trait.
I also have this problem with being quite the motor mouth. I know what you’re thinking, “you?? Really?” Yep. I’m guilty as charged. I sometimes really don’t know when to stop. But yet I find myself on the opposite end of a person JUST LIKE ME, and I’m thinking, “man, she really needs to learn when to stop.”
I’m overly apologetic. Running over a pothole- “oh! I’m so sorry!” Can’t help someone at work because they’re WAY not qualified (I know that’s not correct grammar), “I am really sorry Mr. SoandSo. I wish we could help you.” Handed the waitress one of the menus upside-down, “SORRY!” And on the other hand I’ll be the one telling my friend when she apologizes that our fitness class was cancelled, “for the love of God, don’t apologize! You didn’t know!” Some (most) circumstances just don’t need apologies. Just like “No.” Is a complete sentence, no need to apologize or explain!
Spending unnecessary money. I work at a bank so I can look at my account throughout the day. My husband has this terrible habit of buying snacks and drinks at the gas station with his debit card for under $2. It drives me CRAZY! Yet on a second look at my account, I have a steady stream of books coming off my debit card for odd amounts, $.99, $1.99, $2.99; who’s spending frivolous money now??
The biggest pet peeve of my own is letting people walk all over me, then complaining about it. WHY DO I/WE DO THIS!?? I don’t know the answer, but I wish I did! Perhaps one day we’ll get tired of being a welcome mat for people to dry their muddy shoes on and stand up and stop taking it.
I said all this to acknowledge that I, too, make mistakes. Nothing new here. Sometimes I just need to remind myself.
Until next time!
I got a little off this week, I’ll be reviewing Elle Casey’s Shine Not Burn tomorrow! Come back and check it out! 🙂
This is my like….4th attempt to post this. Maybe it will work.
This is my…456th? attempt to enter the blogging world. I have great intentions. I love blogs. I love book blogs, fitness blogs, food blogs, and quote blogs. Perhaps my blog will be something like that. In the past I’ve had trouble keeping up. But I hope to one day write things that people hold onto. Words that resonate within your soul and settle deep inside you. Words that really speak to you. What better way to practice than to write frequently? Perhaps in a blog?? For starters I’m going to try to post a book review EVERY Thursday. I figure Thursday is a good day because most new releases come out on Tuesdays, and maybe someone will venture by looking for a good book for the weekend. 🙂 Look for my first review this Thursday!
*People are the prettiest when they talk about something they really love with passion in their eyes.*